After Donald Trump delivered his first State of the Union address on Tuesday night, Stephen Colbert couldn’t help but wonder: how is the state of Trump’s union with First Lady Melania? POTUS and FLOTUS arrived separately for the event, after Melania forewent joining her husband on his trip to Davos last week—supposedly due to “scheduling and logistical issues.” It just so happens that all of this follows the revelation that Trump reportedly paid adult-film actress Stormy Daniels to stay silent about an alleged affair they had in 2006. (Trump’s attorney has denied the affair, while Melania’s representative brushed it off as “salacious” and “flat-out false reporting.”) To get the scoop on what’s really going on, Colbert welcomed “Melania” back to his show Wednesday night—and as usual, she had a lot to say.
Laura Benanti last appeared on Late Show a couple weeks ago, when she tried to convince Colbert the reason she was crying on election night, per Michael Wolff’sFire and Fury, was sheer joy. Now, the “First Lady” appears to really be at the end of her rope. As she greeted Colbert, she said, “My life is an ocean of loneliness.” Asked to clarify, she said, “I was just promoting my new fragrance: Ocean of Loneliness. It is a decadent bouquet of gardenia blossoms with a hint of ‘I live in a prison of my own making!’”
When Colbert asked “Melania” if she wore white to her husband’s State of the Union address in support of women’s rights and suffrage, she replied, “Yes. Every day I’m suffraging.” When the comedian clarified that “suffrage” means voting, “Melania” made clear she knows—and she can’t wait to vote in 2020. “For your husband?” Colbert asked. “Oh, of course!” she replied. “Unless I have ‘scheduling and logistical issues.’” As for the speech itself, “Melania” seemed to give it a positive review, noting that she was glued to her seat during the address. Unfortunately, she apparently meant that literally: “That General [John] Kelly is a real prankster, right?!”
When the conversation inevitably turned toward Stormy Daniels and the alleged affair, “Melania” made clear that as far as she’s concerned, it’s “fake news.”
“I mean, what kind of disgusting pig monster would cheat on his wife with porn star right after she give birth and then pay hush money to this Cranky Ponchos?” she asked incredulously, adding, “Everyone here thinks it’s a lie, and I agree. Hashtag #MeToo.”
And in case it wasn’t clear, the First Lady insisted to Colbert that she’s totally not upset. “In fact, if my husband’s watching, I have a message. Donald, time’s up . . . on your cheeseburger! It’s ready! Happy anniversary, sweetheart!” What did Trump buy her for the occasion, Colbert wondered? A hat! But not a “MAGA” hat—this one, “Melania” noted, she chose herself. Let’s just say it’s very pink, and has a distinct shape.
Get Vanity Fair’s HWD NewsletterSign up for essential industry and award news from Hollywood.Full ScreenPhotos:Women's March 2018 in Photos: Thousands Descend on D.C. as the Government Shuts DownLaura BradleyLaura Bradley is a Hollywood writer for VanityFair.com. She was formerly an editorial assistant at Slate and lives in Brooklyn.