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Trevor Noah on Trump-Bannon Feud: “It’s Like Alien Vs. Sexual Predator”

It’s hard to guess which excerpt from journalist Michael Wolff’s upcoming book, Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House, has rankled Donald Trump the most—but the portions featuring Steve Bannon seem like a safe bet. In one section obtained by The Guardian, Trump’s former chief strategist reportedly told Wolff that he thought Donald Trump Jr.’s meeting with Russian diplomats was treasonous. “The three senior guys in the campaign thought it was a good idea to meet with a foreign government inside Trump Tower in the conference room on the 25th floor—with no lawyers,” Bannon reportedly remarked, adding, “Even if you thought that this was not treasonous, or unpatriotic, or bad shit, and I happen to think it’s all of that, you should have called the FBI immediately.” Trump responded with a tirade of a press release that insisted, among other things, that “Steve Bannon has nothing to do with me or my Presidency. When he was fired, he not only lost his job, he lost his mind.”

Naturally, late-night comedians had a field day Wednesday night as they covered various portions of the book—but the Bannon-Trump feud seemed to be the most delicious detail. Trevor Noah, for his part, feigned amazement at the president’s remarks, quipping, “Damn! I didn’t even know presidents could release dis tracks.”

“Imagine being told by Trump that you’ve lost your mind,” Noah added later. “It’s like Cinnabon telling you, ‘You look like a dirty asshole.’ ” Still, Noah admitted that the two’s feud leaves him at a bit of a loss; in this situation, who does one even root for? “It’s like Alien vs. Sexual Predator,” Noah said. “Who do you go with?”

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Another excerpt from Wolff’s book, published by New York magazine, notes that when Bannon joined the Trump campaign in August, he thought Trump’s fate was sealed—and he wasn’t predicting a victory. As Stephen Colbert recounted on The Late Show, Bannon described the operation as “the broke-dick campaign.”

“Our previous president was a professor of constitutional law,” Colbert said. “But in Trump’s campaign, early on, a campaign staffer was sent to explain the Constitution to the candidate. You can’t have a president who doesn’t know what the constitution is; that’s like a pilot saying ‘Attention, passengers, we are heading toward Houston, so just sit back and enjoy the flight. Oh, and one quick thing, if anyone back there knows how to get to Houston and land a plane, please just push your call button.’ . . . This proves once again that when it comes to Donald Trump, everything is exactly what you thought it was. His entire schtick is just trying to convince you you’re crazy for seeing what’s obvious—which makes sense. I mean, that’s basically how you sell luxury real estate.”

But perhaps the most frustrating revelation of all in Wolff’s book is one that’s often been speculated: the idea that Trump himself didn’t even really want to win the election. “He didn’t want him to win,” Colbert railed. “There’s a name for that: the majority of American voters.” The book also alleges that Melania Trump cried—and not tears of joy—on election night. “That is the first thing we have in common,” Colbert said. “Other than, of course, our smokey eyes.”

And then there was Jimmy Kimmel, who struggled to mask his disbelief during his own monologue Wednesday night. “This administration is unlike anything ever,” Kimmel said. “There are three new scandals every day. The wheels just keep coming off, and somehow the bus keeps rolling. I don’t know how many wheels there are on this bus.” As the stories continue to pile up, that might be the million dollar question.

Get Vanity Fair’s HWD NewsletterSign up for essential industry and award news from Hollywood.Full ScreenPhotos:22 Movies and TV Shows That Will Save Us in 2018

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<em>Westworld</em> (Season 2)

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<em>Solo: A Star Wars Story</em>

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Laura BradleyLaura Bradley is a Hollywood writer for VanityFair.com. She was formerly an editorial assistant at Slate and lives in Brooklyn.

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